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simile and metaphor
May. 30th, 2009 05:39 pmI am one of those people who believes that word order matters. "He only wanted a cheeseburger" means something different than "He wanted only a cheeseburger."
In the critique of my story, "Family Man," she said she didn't like "the silence stretched like an elevator cable" because [s]ince elevator cables are among the noisiest things I've heard (particularly stretched ones), I found this an odd simile for silence.
But to me, "the silence stretched like an elevator cable" tells me that it's stretching, under a lot of tension, and something bad's going to happen when it breaks. It does not mean the same thing as "the silence was like a stretched elevator cable" or "the silence was like an elevator cable stretching," where I could see the silence (or lack thereof) of the elevator cable being pertinent.
The fact that she didn't see it this way says that my choice wasn't clear and would cause some readers to stumble. I know that, and when I edit it, I suppose I'll look for another way to convey all that meaning that I wanted with that phrase. However, I'd just like to know . . . am I wrong? Does using the elevator cable in the way I did automatically mean I am (or should be) referring to its silence?
I'm open to opinions. And I even promise to do my pouting privately if you all tell me I'm wrong.
In the critique of my story, "Family Man," she said she didn't like "the silence stretched like an elevator cable" because [s]ince elevator cables are among the noisiest things I've heard (particularly stretched ones), I found this an odd simile for silence.
But to me, "the silence stretched like an elevator cable" tells me that it's stretching, under a lot of tension, and something bad's going to happen when it breaks. It does not mean the same thing as "the silence was like a stretched elevator cable" or "the silence was like an elevator cable stretching," where I could see the silence (or lack thereof) of the elevator cable being pertinent.
The fact that she didn't see it this way says that my choice wasn't clear and would cause some readers to stumble. I know that, and when I edit it, I suppose I'll look for another way to convey all that meaning that I wanted with that phrase. However, I'd just like to know . . . am I wrong? Does using the elevator cable in the way I did automatically mean I am (or should be) referring to its silence?
I'm open to opinions. And I even promise to do my pouting privately if you all tell me I'm wrong.
