im-perfection
Sep. 28th, 2010 05:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eimarraThe other day, my friend Jean posted a link to Single dad Laughing's post on the disease called perfection It's a powerful post, and there were definitely some scenarios he mentioned that hit home.
But that, for me, was the problem with the post. I see that list, and I start comparing myself to it, asking myself if that's one of my faulty areas, one of the areas where I'm pretending, where I'm falling short in my own estimation -- and even if it wasn't, I feel the worse for having examined myself so closely, for probing for where I'm screwing up.
What he wrote needed to be written. And the follow-up post, offering people a chance to reach out to each other, will no doubt do a lot of good. I didn't post on his follow-up because I don't think I've got any advice on my major traumas and problems. I'm still living with them, still afraid of rejection (personal, not my writing -- goodness knows I get enough of that!), still sure I'll never be as good as I'm supposed to be. I don't have solutions to offer other people going through the same situation.
I do have a piece of advice, though, for people who are prone to looking for flaws in themselves when any such flaw is suggested: try not to take the list personally.
I've lost some sleep the last couple of nights, waking up and wondering how screwed up I am as a parent and how much I pretend, how I pretend to be perfect in other areas -- love, friendships, money, mental health, whatever. I know that one of the reasons I'm overweight is because I feel bad about how I look, and so I eat to try to make myself feel better -- even though I know that doesn't help. (Boredom, being home with easy access to the kitchen, and an inability to even do much walking without serious pain also have contributed, it's true.)
I'm not perfect, even as I strive to look that way, to be superMom, taking care of the house and doing my freelancing and writing and quilting and everything else. And yeah, I have to acknowledge that I'm not. But . . . I still want to be.
But that, for me, was the problem with the post. I see that list, and I start comparing myself to it, asking myself if that's one of my faulty areas, one of the areas where I'm pretending, where I'm falling short in my own estimation -- and even if it wasn't, I feel the worse for having examined myself so closely, for probing for where I'm screwing up.
What he wrote needed to be written. And the follow-up post, offering people a chance to reach out to each other, will no doubt do a lot of good. I didn't post on his follow-up because I don't think I've got any advice on my major traumas and problems. I'm still living with them, still afraid of rejection (personal, not my writing -- goodness knows I get enough of that!), still sure I'll never be as good as I'm supposed to be. I don't have solutions to offer other people going through the same situation.
I do have a piece of advice, though, for people who are prone to looking for flaws in themselves when any such flaw is suggested: try not to take the list personally.
I've lost some sleep the last couple of nights, waking up and wondering how screwed up I am as a parent and how much I pretend, how I pretend to be perfect in other areas -- love, friendships, money, mental health, whatever. I know that one of the reasons I'm overweight is because I feel bad about how I look, and so I eat to try to make myself feel better -- even though I know that doesn't help. (Boredom, being home with easy access to the kitchen, and an inability to even do much walking without serious pain also have contributed, it's true.)
I'm not perfect, even as I strive to look that way, to be superMom, taking care of the house and doing my freelancing and writing and quilting and everything else. And yeah, I have to acknowledge that I'm not. But . . . I still want to be.
