neurotic writer

[eimarra]

A while back, a friend of mine asked me whether I ever get neurotic about my writing. My initial thought was "All the time!" but I couldn't think of good ways to say it. I don't know that I'm going to express it well now, but I'm going to try.

I've been fretting today about so many things beyond my control -- why aren't I more like a friend who is on panels at cons and who calls more than one author by their first name? does my increased acceptance rate really indicate I'm getting better (After all, I can't be that good. I'm still not getting personalized rejections at the higher levels.)? what if I never break in at a pro level? would I be better off stopping now before I get my hopes up any more? . . . and so on and so forth.

I've been through this dark valley before. The shadows always pass, though the other side doesn't really look any brighter. I keep going because this is who I am, and I know it will pass, just as I know that the feelings of self-confidence and certainty that everyone will start accepting my stories will pass. I have to write regardless of how I feel about it, write and finish and submit. The feelings aren't important, just the work.

Which doesn't make today's neuroticism go away, but it does at least give me some perspective.

Comments

[touch-of-ink.livejournal.com]

I'm in the down phase about my writing right now. Like you, I know it will pass. Ironically, one thing that helps it pass (for me) is just writing. I get caught up in enjoying the process and forget about the results. Living in the now, I guess. Kind of like eating chocolate chip cookies :)

[eimarra]

Funny you should mention chocolate chip cookies -- that used to be one of my responses to this particular set of feelings. ;-)

Sometimes, writing helps. Sometimes, just giving myself permission to take a couple of days off and do other things helps -- which is good, because I'm spending more and more weekends as just family time, without writing, so the time off tends to happen anyway.

Hugs. I hope your down phase passes soon.

[jongibbs.livejournal.com]

I have a sneaking suspicion that if we ever stop worrying about this kind of stuff, we won't be writers any more :)

[eimarra]

Very true, Jon! Bonnie likes to tell an anecdote about -- I think it's Noel Coward? Who was always afraid when he sat down to write that he wouldn't do as good a job this time around. Guess the neuroticism is always there.

[bonniers.livejournal.com]

At least you recognize where you're at.

[eimarra]

Thanks, Bonnie. :-)

Recognizing that it always does pass has helped a lot.