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neurotic writer
Jun. 5th, 2010 06:44 pmA while back, a friend of mine asked me whether I ever get neurotic about my writing. My initial thought was "All the time!" but I couldn't think of good ways to say it. I don't know that I'm going to express it well now, but I'm going to try.
I've been fretting today about so many things beyond my control -- why aren't I more like a friend who is on panels at cons and who calls more than one author by their first name? does my increased acceptance rate really indicate I'm getting better (After all, I can't be that good. I'm still not getting personalized rejections at the higher levels.)? what if I never break in at a pro level? would I be better off stopping now before I get my hopes up any more? . . . and so on and so forth.
I've been through this dark valley before. The shadows always pass, though the other side doesn't really look any brighter. I keep going because this is who I am, and I know it will pass, just as I know that the feelings of self-confidence and certainty that everyone will start accepting my stories will pass. I have to write regardless of how I feel about it, write and finish and submit. The feelings aren't important, just the work.
Which doesn't make today's neuroticism go away, but it does at least give me some perspective.
I've been fretting today about so many things beyond my control -- why aren't I more like a friend who is on panels at cons and who calls more than one author by their first name? does my increased acceptance rate really indicate I'm getting better (After all, I can't be that good. I'm still not getting personalized rejections at the higher levels.)? what if I never break in at a pro level? would I be better off stopping now before I get my hopes up any more? . . . and so on and so forth.
I've been through this dark valley before. The shadows always pass, though the other side doesn't really look any brighter. I keep going because this is who I am, and I know it will pass, just as I know that the feelings of self-confidence and certainty that everyone will start accepting my stories will pass. I have to write regardless of how I feel about it, write and finish and submit. The feelings aren't important, just the work.
Which doesn't make today's neuroticism go away, but it does at least give me some perspective.
